Pamela, Barbie, and God

By Reverend Pamela T. Wofford

“I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well.”  Psalm 139:14

As a child I always thought I was beautiful.  I had long silky hair, creamy brown skin, lovely dark eyes and a fairly normal body.   Or so I thought.  Until one day someone told me I had a big head and was ugly.  That was the day I came to the conclusion that I was unattractive…ugly.  Like most little girls, I was a Barbie-dream girl.  I thought Barbie was the epitome of a beautiful woman.  Long flowing hair, delicate features, a small waist, nice perky breasts and just enough bend on her backside to turn a man’s head. It didn’t matter to me that this doll was white.  But one today I received a black version of Barbie.  I knew that despite the misconception of believing I was ugly, my dream was about to come true.  In my mind I became a Barbie dream girl.  That was until someone, again reminded me that I had a big head.  And to add insult to injury they also said I was fat.  My dream was shattered, and I decided that my fate was sealed…I was ugly and that is how my life would be.  I began to be intimidated by all people, but especially by women who were thin.  I believed that if you were thin you were more superior and you had much more to offer than I did or would ever have.  I chose friends who looked a certain way, thinking that would take the focus off of my ugliness.  I have always wanted to be on TV. I wanted to be a professional singer, actress, or a nationally syndicated anchorwoman.  But how could someone so unattractive be on someone’s TV?  In order to (over) compensate for what I felt I lacked, I went the extra mile to make myself pretty.  Make-up was my cover up. I was a make-up artist before I knew what that really was.   People would always tell me I had such a pretty face.  What should have been a compliment made me feel discounted and even more unattractive.  For years I could only looked at myself in the mirror from the neck up.  I was a hot mess.  Then one day I realized that Barbie’s proto-type did not fit my body type.  That was a real wake up call for me.  Unfortunately, I did not know how to answer that I was a beauty until I was well into my 30’s...